Auribus Teneo Lupum
by mricj
Summary: "So, Nathan," Claire started as she took one, two sips of the coffee Nathan had made especially for her before setting the cup down again, her words breaking his line of thought, "How are you feeling?" Written for Troubled Tales 2016 on AO3. AU where Claire's alive and sort of becomes Nathan's shrink. Takes place during early season 04.


After everything that had happened, it was like Haven had lost its right to be considered beautiful, to be considered home; but still, when Nathan returned, the humid and warm air smelled as salty as he last remembered and the sun was so pleasantly bright Nathan almost wished he were able to feel the warmness of it. With that, it was easy to remember his roots all over again, easy to remember how, in what it felt like forever ago, Haven had been the only thing Nathan always felt so _sure_ of.

He sighed, clearly shaken at the thought of being back to the town he had once considered _his._ Six months ago, Haven was the only thing Nathan had always known, the only thing that was allowed to be called home and in a matter of hours, everything had gone to hell, had fallen apart completely, and with Audrey and Duke gone and the Guard wanting to put a bullet between his eyes, Nathan didn't have much of a choice but running as far away as possible. He never got to make peace with their deaths, never took the proper time to mourn the deaths of the two people he loved the most in the world, no, and instead, Nathan let the guilt take over him; he went as far as his body allowed, letting people hit him, sometimes even _more_ depending on how much they were paying, only so he could put some food in his stomach and have somewhere to spend the night.

It was almost as if Nathan Wuornos didn't exist anymore, just the shadow and the traces of the man he used to be, and it wasn't until Duke, of all people, came back—very much alive and more important of all, _safe_ —was standing in front of him that some sense was knocked into Nathan once again; the mix of happiness and relief that took over his body as soon as he eyed the other man was unexplainable, and along with him, Duke had brought back something silly as hope, a word that hadn't been part of Haven's citizens vocabulary in a very long time, and as much as Nathan wasn't exactly happy to face the whole town again, he couldn't deny that part of him was glad he didn't stick around long enough to find out how long he'd be able to carry on before giving up on life itself completely, if it'd be months or maybe even years.

"So, Nathan," Claire started as she took one, two sips of the coffee Nathan had made especially for her before setting the cup down again, her words breaking his line of thought. She never thought she'd find herself at the Wuornoses' household, especially not on an early Sunday morning—she was _Audrey's_ friend, after all—and the place was _cozy_ , something she didn't expect at all from Garland Wuornos, but there was something telling her that all of that was, mostly, Nathan's personal touch, little things he kept adding since moving back to his childhood home after his father passed away, "How are you feeling?"

It was a loaded question, Claire realized as soon as she was done talking. Nathan stared at her for a moment, his eyes focusing on hers before he forced himself to pull away from the way Claire's blue eyes seemed to pierce into his soul, looking somewhere else, anywhere that wasn't directly at her, really; not even half an hour after dealing with Marion's… _situation_ and getting his badge back, Dwight called him into his office and handed him Claire's card, making a comment or two about wanting Nathan to give her a call at some point during the week and, maybe make those calls—apparently, that was a lighter way to say appointments—frequent if necessary.

But then again, the days followed by Nathan's return had been, to put it mildly, chaotic— would things be different if Audrey hadn't walked inside the barn?—and the card that was pressed on the palm of his hand was easily forgotten between all of it; getting used to the rush proved itself to be easier than Nathan cared to admit and truth be told, part of him liked it. Having something else to focus on other than the fact he had _almost_ killed Duke and that Audrey was still stuck in death row was never too much to ask.

And at the radio silence, it wasn't surprising that at some point Claire realized she was the one who'd have to seek him out—Nathan had never been the kind of person who reached out for help first, anyways, not even when _he_ knewhe needed it.

Claire was nowhere near one of the subtlest people he knew, but the question managed to catch him off guard; he didn't expect her to start reading him so fast.

At the question, Nathan opened his mouth, only to close it again; unable to form thoughts of his own and put whatever he was feeling into words. Claire laid her hand across his, just in case he needed some kind of comfort, and he couldn't help himself but stare at the simple gesture before him. Judging by the way his arms moved to wrap around his middle and the way he pulled his inner lip into his mouth for a moment, he had gotten the sign clearly, but the situation Nathan found himself didn't help him feel any more at ease.

"Y'know, the usual," Nathan somewhat mumbled, the sarcasm hiding behind his typical deadpan tone sounding slightly off. What was there to say about the way he was feeling? He got his badge back and with that, the old routine as well. He always woke up early to Dwight's "good morning" texts, pretty much all of them work related, and thanked whoever was in charge of his trouble for not making him feel how tired he was from the little amount of sleep he was kept getting. Then, after spending hours on Haven's streets, he'd finally be back home, where the moon had long taken over the sun's place in the sky. There wasn't really any place to think about feelings; whenever Nathan did have some sort of free time, the only thing that'd come back to haunt his thoughts was how, if Duke came back just as healthy as he last remembered seeing him, then Audrey still stood chance, as small as it was.

It seemed like a while had passed since Nathan had opened his mouth to say anything at all, to elaborate whatever "the usual" really meant; by the time his eyes focused back on Claire again, she was pulling her hands towards herself, her intense glare now soft as a flash of an assuring smile rested on her face, "Alright, we don't need to talk about this today; this isn't an official appointment _yet_.

"But I do expect to see you in my office sometime around this week," She mumbled as she got up from the couch, the coffee mug long forgotten by then. Before making her way to the door, though, she shot him one more look and the relief that had taken over Nathan's form disappeared, the smile still tugging her lips; from this angle, it was easy to notice how tired she was and how much she wanted Audrey back just as much as him, "Thanks for the coffee. Don't forget to call me."

And at the words leaving Claire's mouth, Nathan could only nod.


End file.
